i was eagerly awaiting the announcement of the iPad, but after watching the keynote, i'm less than impressed.
i think Apple has a lot of nerve to present it as a product that will change the way we surf the Web and it's not Flash compliant. Which essentially eliminates all video on the Web...
Terrible oversight on their part. Quicktime is a donkey and they need to abandon it. Flash video is the future - the industry standard, even if HTML5 is on the rise - and now their big revolutionary web browsing tablet effectively eliminates the ability to view most web based video.
There's some funny moments in the keynote when Job's is surfing the NYT & all of the videos on the page show up as question marks meaning the iPad doesn't recognize the Flash video.
If you've ever seen "Jesus Camp" then I'm sure you can relate to my feelings on Ted Haggard. Well if you're sane, that is.
Oddly enough, I find him to be a compelling & sympathetic character. Likable or not (not). I mean, here's a guy who so hates himself for being a homosexual that he was willing to build up massive walls of conceit in the form of other people's trust and a bully pulpit whose cornerstone was anti-homosexuality.
But the truth is - sure people love to forgive someone seeking redemption - but what's lost on Ted is that there are some things that people simply can't forget or shouldn't forget. I feel sorry for you, Ted. Truly.
But at the end of the day, you're still a creep. A smarmy creep who thinks by going on television and finally telling the truth that you like meth and cock that somehow you'll find redemption. It's just embarrassing - after all no matter what your cronies would like to espouse - homosexuality is not something you can cure. Nor is it something to be ashamed of. And at the end of the day - at some point - you thought it was a good idea to lead a mega church hate campaign against your own kind all the while stuffing your nose full of meth and receiving "massages" from big buff male hookers. And had you not been caught - you'd still be doing it.
I fear for any person who'd let their children be alone with you...
So as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be - you're a creepy dude. Amen.
This could possibly be the best nightmare comedy I've ever seen...
It won't make you laugh as much as it'll make you feel like scrubbing yourself clean with bleach...and that is why I love it. posted by
Brian Gage on 10:35 PM ::
That's not a typo - nor is it clever, really...but i'm rolling with it none-the-less...
Sending out big love to 2009 for all the richness & growth it granted me...First year in a long while I will actually miss...
Now embracing 2010 with full force...
best wishes to all-y'all...
my resolutions? participate in anything that leads me to a stronger body, sharper mind & more fulfilling life...leave everything else in the gutter where it belongs - including you. ok - just teasing...well, unless you're one of those people I'm leaving in the gutter...
boo-yah! wow - that's so 2009!posted by
Brian Gage on 10:44 AM ::
So there I was doing my daily four mile jog through skid row. Zooming past the cracked out & aimless as I jammed out to Welcome to the Jungle & Paradise City on repeat (which happen to be the best songs to jog to as you cruise through crime ridden areas - try it). I was on the home stretch when suddenly a cop car rounds the corner with lights blazing and comes to a screeching halt in front of me.
Since I knew it had nothing to do with me, I ran right around the cop car and kept on my merry way. I hear yelling behind me then a moment later notice the cop car stop a few paces ahead of me. The cops jump out of the car, waving me down. One has his hand on his holster.
I stop. Look around and pull out my headphones.
"Stop right there!" yells the taller of the two.
I look behind me. Nobody.
"You mean me?" I say.
"Yes you. Up against the fence."
The seem crazy angry, so I just do as I was told. Maybe they don't like Guns & Roses?
"I'm certain there's a mistake."
"No mistake," says the taller one. "Do you realize you've been jogging in the street on the wrong side of the road? And crossing against the steady don't walk sign repeatedly? We've been watching you do this for weeks."
I laugh and look around for the cameras.
"Yes. I'm jogging. That's what we do."
"ID please."
"I don't carry my ID. I'm just out for a jog."
He then explains that they've been casing me for six blocks watching me break every pedestrian violation in the book.
Now I really thought it was a joke. But on the other hand - I must stand out worse than a porcupine at a balloon party jogging through skid row. So I certainly caught their attention. The junkies always seem to get a kick out of me as I run past...
"Officers, I just jogged by a guy smoking crack two blocks back & witnessed another two drug deals while you were following me. What about those guys?"
They seemed unconcerned.
I walk to the other cop who steps back, flips the latch on his gun holster and holds his other palm to my face.
"Step away from me immediately, sir."
I do. He's apparently dead serious.
He looks to my sweat pants. "I see you study Krav Maga," he says pointing to the logo on my thigh.
I laugh some more. "Umm. Yes I do. But I'm not one to fight cops or tasers. Or mace, for that matter."
"Either way - step back to the fence. I'm merely being cautious."
I now start wondering if this is some crazy rookie training drill where they have to take down the first person they see do anything remotely illegal.
They then take down my information and I talk them into giving me one of the four counts that they wanted to cite me for. I walked away with "Crossing Against a Steady Don't Walk Sign." or 21456 (b) if you want to be specific.
I then question them as to why on earth they're giving me a citation at all when there was actual crime going on while they were casing me.
Then it occurred to me! No wonder skid row is so crime ridden - they're too damn busy giving tickets out to yuppies on a jogging break instead of busting real criminals.
I leave it with. "Can you guys do me a favor? Instead of watching me do this for weeks and casing me for six blocks. How about the next time you stop me the first time, let me know what I've done and just give me a warning. I would have stopped this ages ago had you simply warned me to start."
"Deal!" says the taller one, and extends his hand.
We shake hands.
He leans into me. "The truth is we feel really badly about this, but our supervisor is watching." He motions to a motorcycle cop sitting in the distance.
Great, I think. Motorcycle cops are always the worst. I wonder if they're even human. Possibly they're all robots from Planet Obey. Got me. But I've always found them to be humorless jerks who will cite you for the stupidest things...Now I have proof. Least he could have done the dirty work himself.
I was easy prey. Easy $$ for the system. I'll pay my $200 ticket and never step foot in court and they know it. Where as real crime costs the state money to prosecute - they have to use a public defender, prove their case, etc...time. money.
So there you have it. My adventure in crime. I'm just another sad victim of California's desperate need for budget surplus. And I was going to use that $200 to buy you a Xmas gift. I hope you'll understand.
And if you come to Downtown LA, remember: Smoking crack on the street - cool. Selling dope to people in broad daylight - good move! But don't you dare jaywalk.
Don't. You. Dare.posted by
Brian Gage on 11:42 PM ::
Of all the books I've written this is my favorite - and this is my favorite amazon.com review from some schlep who clearly hated everything about....
Title: "Burn, "Burn, Christmas! Burn!!" Burn!! "While I sympathize with the anti-consumerism ideals behind it, this book is just poorly done. The rhyming scheme is stilted and forced, it's overly wordy, and the narrative is disjointed. It's bad, folks. This book is bad. As Dorothy Parker said, "This book should not be set aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." Do yourself and those Chinese printers a favor: suppress your consumerist tendencies! DON'T BUY THIS BOOK! May it go out of print immediately. Amen."
Anyone who suggests burning my books instantly wins a place in my heart...Peter Pearson from Minneapolis, MN - I salute you!
And just for some fun historical context, Dorthy Parker said that in regards to Atlas Shrugged - so eat it, you fucking clown & thanks for the compliment...posted by
Brian Gage on 4:48 PM ::
But I've been obsessed with Leo Sayer all day. Why? I don't know. Mostly because I cure the unbearable lightness of being by trying to cram as much randomness into one day!
Join me:
I wish I could sing like this.
And just for kicks here's one of my favorite carpenter covers of all time. Ok - I'll admit it I don't have any other carpenter covers that I like...it's just this is damn good...and sad. don't cut your wrists...i won't be held responsible. The music video is here...embed has been disabled so you're stuck wit this hot black screen...
And I don't care what any of you say, Karen Carpenter is quite hot in a very mousy-girl-sort-of-way.
What I like about the Carpenters is their music is what I imagine a prefrontal lobotomy sounds on the inside of one's mind...
Off to my friend's book signing!posted by
Brian Gage on 4:23 PM ::
I went to bed around 1am this morning and have been tossing-and-turning ever since...Two cats sleeping on my chest didn't help - but received an A for cute factor...
So anyway, figured I'd blog to pass the time...I'm tapped on hulu.com - think I've watched just about everything on that site and am annoyed the V is postponed till March...
Back to my insomnia...Finally, I got out of bed and walked over to the corner store to pick up some sleeping pills...ran into my buddy Waz who was walking his dog and we made some nice chit-chat...So now I'm just waiting for the pills to kick in and watching The Daily Show...
I came up with a new intro for my vampire book which will be tight if I actually sit down to write it...
Sleep is not on the horizon tonight - I'm simply too excited about too many things...
First, my client/business partner Lisa Ann will be on Howard Stern tomorrow which will bring in some nice numbers tomorrow. You should tune in if you can - Lisa is one of the coolest people I've ever met...We're fortunate here @ DEI to have her in our allegiance corner...
Things are looking really good on the business front. The last quarter of 09 despite tons of $$ being spent on development should turn out really solid...and 2010 will start off with a bang thanks to several projects we'll be launching in late December.
Let's see - back to 196.2 so I've lost 6 lbs in about 3.5 weeks...I have this diet & exercise stuff locked!
Hmmm...that was only ten minutes...no grogginess yet...
I've also come to the conclusion that I can eat Honey Nut Cheerios for every meal...and so I shall...
I'd also like to give a big virtual hug to Steve Jobs & Apple for developing the iPhone & apps store as a big portion of our new revenues in 2010 will be coming from that arena...
Everything's looking cherry. I'm too excited to sleep...Feeling to obtuse mentally to blog anything coherent...so well...there you have it...Time for some HNC! That's Honey Nut Cheerios to y'all not in the know...
Other than the fact that my client Lisa Ann gets to play her in Hustler movies...Sara Pailin is completely useless - a bag of wind who is so inept she can't even stick on her talking points...
Check her out confusing Iraq & Iran on Fox...Way to call her out Hannity
And for the lover of homo eroticism in you, I present this gem... posted by
Brian Gage on 11:44 PM ::
Finally received the entire M/S back from Nick Mamatas & now it's all on me...The book is in much better shape than I thought, and Nick brought up a lot of good points to make it solid...
I'm going to do my best to work on it for an hour every night till completion...then it's back to the sale block...
And if I can't sell it - then boo hoo hoo...I'll just make it an eBook and give it away for free right on this very Web site.
So I generally hate television...Actually, I do hate television...am not connected to cable TV and love ignoring it entirely in the most snobbish means possible...even more annoying is when people try to engage me in conversations about their favorite tv commercials or shows...
That said, hulu.com has helped me get over this a bit and also keeps me somewhat in touch with what passes for pop culture...i play HULU while i work, and it generally makes for good background chatter...
That is until I discovered It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - which is the scream of the century as far as I'm concerned and now gets my full attention. Danny Devito is a freakin' genius...Anyway - check it out...Great stuff. posted by
Brian Gage on 11:28 PM ::
We purchased a new HD video camera for the studio and my assistant snapped these pix of Spacecat & Orbit just around feeding time...Handsome little devils...
I was witness to one of the suicides mentioned in this article...My employee witnessed it first hand and called me. As I looked out over my balcony to the parking lot across the street, I could see the coroner placing a white sheet over her body. As it landed over her body, blood started seeping through the white sheets.
Morbid yes. But I find the article interesting. There have been two jumpers in my neighborhood since I moved in.
It's quite a fall - I live on the same level as the building from where she jumped. I sometimes peek over my ledge to see my griffin from above - and I couldn't imagine the terror of going over the side. I really feel sorry for the poor girl - it's no way to go...posted by
Brian Gage on 10:33 PM ::
Wanted to start posting some of my short stories from "Kingdom Crumble" while I decide what format the rewrite will be in - I'm leaning toward developing it into a graphic novel.
Anyhow...here's one of the shorts from the book about blind patriotism & the military industrial complex...I wrote this a few years back, but reading it now, seems really apt to those douche bag tea partiers...'tis you of whom i speak...
Feel free to repost it anywhere you like so long as you credit me & my site...
thanks!
The Glorious Specter by Brian Gage =================================== A specter haunts the starving towns, Infects the minds of all around. From every man and child sounds His song of bliss.
They sing and cheer of nation pride, And honor tears of mothers cried - For sons who fell and dully died From murder's kiss.
The wicked lords and greedy kings Count up their coins as war birds sing - They bathe in jewels and pad their rings With ruby stones.
They tout belief about this ghost, And raise their glasses to a toast Of freedom's soldiers coast to coast - Ignore their bones.
These men who rule the gold coin caste Hide just behind the specter's mask, And growl and bark and hiss then ask, "Pray lend your sons?"
The mothers, fathers gripped by fear See not behind a mask so sheer; Line up their kin like slaughtered steer, And give them guns.
The youth who march in ten by four With pride in heart are sent to war To drown in vain and brother's gore, And wanton death.
The few who speak their disbelief - Called liar, traitor, coward, thief - Are burdened with a life of grief, And silenced breath.
Far and away from terror's flood The young and old crave foreign blood, While soldiers choke on sand and mud, And spill their veins.
A specter haunts the starving towns. He gives the lords their golden crowns While commoners hide secret frowns Like mules on reigns.
This ghost of nation's solitude - The one who fuels injustice feuds Wears haggard cloth: red, white, and blue, And heart of frost.
The blind who've chosen to believe Weep sadly on the specter's sleeve. And all the lives for whom they grieve - Their souls are lost.posted by
Brian Gage on 2:11 AM ::
And although I hate question marks on news stories - this seems actually appropriate...And yes - truly the worst disguises ever. posted by
Brian Gage on 11:08 PM ::
If you ever catch yourself frustrated at the superstitious & gullible nature of the average adult person in the US...Just remember this is the kind of crap that makes the news:
Any news story that has a question mark at the end - is not news. Certainly not journalism.
Is Obamba Tired? Public Option Dead in the Senate?
That question mark thing drives me wild...As wild as a street walkin' cheetah with a heart full of napalm...I guess you can blame it on the 24/hour news cycle - really not all that much is going on but they have to report anyway - so might as well report on uncertainties or quizzical observations...
or stupid stories of dead coyotes with mange being the lochness or what not.
So I'm up late working again...Been a good few days - almost 100% healthy again. Still a bit stuffed up, but I feel good.
So anyway - I'm watching this on hulu.com. It's one of my favorite movies, but haven't seen it in a long time. And it has me wondering why-oh-why do they cast American actors in British roles?
It's abhorrent. Completely takes me out of the movie.
Some faked accents are worse than others. Sadly, Bram Stoker's Dracula has now devolved into a comedy of-sorts listening to Keaneu Reeves' English accent. I've seen high school plays with better faked English accents.
OK - that's a lie. Because a single adult male going out to watch high school plays is just - well...damn creepy.posted by
Brian Gage on 1:18 AM ::
Last time they came to LA, they opened for Girl Talk & I had the lucky opportunity to hang out with them & Greg Gillis back stage for their 3 night stay. That was a good time. Greg is likely the nicest dude you'll ever meet...
In fact, it seems the only real fun I have these days is when Grand Buffet or GMPD come to town. Speaking of which, my main dudes Gil & Donny will be in LA on November 14 rocking the Echo. You should be there.posted by
Brian Gage on 10:43 PM ::
My big plans to get back on the health train have been thwarted by what ever devil spore lives deep within the Mojave Desert - brought right to my respiratory system via the Santa Ana Winds.
Or as Raymond Chandler puts it, "those hot dry [winds] that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen."
He forgot the part about bringing Brian Gage's immune system to its knees...
It's clockwork. Every late October since I've moved to southern California, I am floored by some pollen or something that lingers out in the desert. I've never had allergies my entire life - but something out there was not in the immune system mix growing up in Ohio...And it storms my system with terrible flu like symptoms that knock me down for a week or so.
Fortunately this year is relatively mild. But next year...I'm flying to Nice on my birthday and staying till mid-November - that'll show those damn Santa Ana Winds...
So my mighty health kick is postponed until whenever this foul creature is purged from my body.
If you feel like dropping by some chicken soup or hot Japanese ginger lemon drink...I would be much obliged.
at this point that the emperor has no clothes...then I truly shed a tear for you:
I'll admit it - I proudly swallowed the Obama pill and still like him as far as Presidents go; however, let's face it - he and his handlers put on a great show for us. But it was a swindle. His cabal is responsible for aiding & abetting one of the greatest bank robberies in American history. AKA the bail out. Gotta hand it to them...I thought Sexy Beast was a good swindle movie...It's got nothing on the Obama Administration...To be fair - it's not like a Republican administration would have done differently. The government is owned by Wall Street - there is no choice.
I admire anyone who's a ball breaker, and Rahm Emanuel is likely one of the greatest...but how he can even keep a straight face when he talks about reining in Wall Street...Good show, my man! Here's a guy who's made millions upon millions from the same companies he's now supposedly watch-dogging...Let's see if we can get that fox to finally guard the hen house...
I mean - Ben Stein of all people is decrying it...Ariana as usual gets it dead on...
I'm simply tired of the whole put on. Fact - if Obama were really who he says he is and the entire US government weren't some engineered charade to buffer the pitchforks between the rich and poor - then none of this would stand...
Oh...and if you're still not convinced...here's some more bullshit lies from the man himself...Funny, I can't seem to find it on CSPAN... posted by
Brian Gage on 8:43 PM ::
I'm vain. Not evil vain...but just as much as I espouse anti-commercialism & seeking substance in my writings, deep down there is a part of me who wants to look in the mirror and have a full head of hair and a perfect body.
I have the hair part covered even at 36 - so I consider myself fortunate.
When I was married - I ballooned up to 232 lbs from 190 in about an 18 month time span...From time-to-time, I still run across photos of me at this weight and they make me cringe. I looked like I was going through my bloated Led Zepplin days.
Body image is an interesting thing, and since I was always in fine shape from being a swimmer & runner since I was twelve - even when I was heavy, I associated myself as a fit person...Despite the fact that my belt was telling me otherwise. What started my new health kick was a Xmas visit to my favorite store for a new wardrobe. My ex-wife offered to buy me some new clothes for my gift. Nice!
What was not nice, was when I realized in the dressing room that I couldn't fit into anything at all...I looked like a fat dude trying to fit into a skinny guy's wardrobe...It was nearly time for the the big and tall store. I was a mess. "Have I gained weight?" I asked her. She looks to the floor, "Yes. Quite a bit."
Oy. There was no denying it.
So I left the store defeated & terribly sad that I'd gone so far down the road of unhealthy behavior. I was drinking a lot, eating McDonald's daily to cure my hangovers and it had finally taken it's toll on me. This was January 2007.
From that day forward, I created my own diet & exercise regime and stuck to it like a religion. By the time May 2007 had rolled around I had slimmed down 181 - only 2 lbs heavier than my graduating day from high school. My pants fell down around my waist - I had a belt that used to be tight that I could now pull up around my body without unbuckling...It was a great feeling. I still keep that belt around (still can pull it up around my waist, thankfully!)
I stayed healthy ever since by eating right & doing intense cardio exercises for at least an hour a night - sometimes two. I was addicted to the feeling.
Nordic genes are in my blood & carry weight relatively well...Even when I was a tub, I still looked healthy in a Viking sort of way...I remember I was at a party once and overheard someone say, "Who's the healthy white-boy?" referring to me...Compliment? Doubtful.
Anyway, I relaxed a bit after reaching my goal weight and went back to 191-ish, but basically kept the weight off for two years...Then came May 2009.
I was learning Muay Thai at a new academy and the class was a little rougher then my other fight classes. When these cats said full contact sparring - they meant it. In the short time I'd been fighting here I'd had my lip split open & my nose broken in under six months.
It seemed each time I healed from one injury, I'd go back to class and it would happen again. The final blow came to me on my first night back after my nose healed. I was sparring some new guy & we were practicing what are called clinching drills. He was bigger than me and it's always difficult to clinch with someone taller. At one point, I guess the dude became frustrated at my tenacity & curled his leg around mine to sweep me to the floor (which is illegal in Muay Thai matches)...In doing this, he took me right down but popped my knee out of socket sideways. It was the most excruciating pain I'd ever experienced. I lay there on the floor for about an hour, wondering if I just received an injury that would haunt me forever.
Up to this point in my life, I felt invincible. I'd never broken a bone, tore a ligament - nothing. Well the broken nose thing - but that was also minor...Not wanting to face reality & hear any "never walk normally again" stuff, I left my knee injury go untreated for months and just iced it nightly & quit exercising.
I'm terrible at getting to the doctor, so I hobbled around for months. Each time I'd try to train or even jog, my knee would pop out of socket & I'd fall to the ground. The final blow came to me just as I thought my joint was better. I was walking around downtown and came across and an uneven stretch of sidewalk. My knee couldn't stabilize & I fell to the ground in broad day light on a busy street. Likely the most excruciating embarrassment I'd ever experienced. Well - if you know me - you know that's hardly true...
I'm good at embarrassing myself. Builds character.
I went to the doctor the following week and got an MRI. Waited for 3 weeks and it came back that I had no torn ligaments but deep bruising in every portion of the joint (whatever that means). Doc said to get back to training but proceed with caution...
I haven't been able to properly train since May - and have been taking it very easy since late August. I'm still in good shape thanks to building a good base of the past two years, but I'm finally back up over the 200lb marker due to not being able to train for more than a half hour at any given time. I think my knee is finally ready to start back to a full schedule.
Tomorrow starts my journey back to 180. Seems daunting to have to lose 20 lbs all over again. But thinking back to losing over 50 lbs in 5 months, I know I can do it.
When my employee Jordan started at my company, I was still on my regimen & he asked why I always measured my food portions on a scale. I told him my story and he confessed he wanted to lose weight, so I outlined how to do it. He went from 156 to 137 in a little over two months time. So I know it works!
I just have to get back in the mindset. Which after 6 months of rich foods, delicious cocktails, and laying around dreaming of exercise - isn't that easy.
Tomorrow starts with a three mile jog and a full week of Muay Thai & Jujitsu training - one hour a night until I can sustain two. The goal is to be back to 180 by New Years. Then I won't need a resolution.
I'll report in as I go...And thanks in advance for any well wishes!posted by
Brian Gage on 7:42 PM ::
Here's a nice little feature from blogdowntown.com on my new neighbors & friends Waz & Jamie. They're really cool people - Waz is from Ohio so we get on quite well, and Jamie is about as kind and inviting as they come...
And just in case you care, that's my Erik Satie book on the left in photo #3...Love me that Erik Satie. Love me that Jamie & Waz - it's a win!posted by
Brian Gage on 6:25 PM ::
Had one of my last interfaces with Nick Mamatas on my new book...He'll be sending me his entire edit next week or so...
Then it's all on me. I've been telling Nick to take his sweet time for months now just to really buy myself some time before I'm back in the chair again...
I keep going back-and-forth with whether or not I'm going to keep writing. Been focusing a lot on my business & it takes most of my time and energy. It's also a lot more rewarding than writing both emotionally & financially (well unless you're that J.K. Rowling gal)...
Anyway, after speaking with Nick today I had the first sensation of inspiration I've had in possibly a year. So it's still in me somewhere.
The story's great. The execution? Well - it's a bit muddled...But the framework is there for a great book...I just need to take an hour a day for the next few months and get it right...
Will i? well, if you know me - then you know it will all depend upon my wildly entertaining mood swings...And you can follow those mood swings here on this very site - sometimes it's up...sometimes it's down...you never know...i like to pretend i have the most suspenseful site online...
but i don't.
anyway - looking forward to checking this out sometime...it looks borderline stupid...but I'm a sucker for hype on movies like this...such a sucker that I almost saw Cloverfield...
I sure wish my loft would become haunted...Would make life a lot more interesting...I mean - my building was built in the 20s with really creepy griffins that loom right outside my window...certainly there must be a ghost or two around somewhere...To all y'all spook-a-licious specters in my building - haunt me up, yo?!
Speaking of paranormal activity, I had this debate with my neighbor last night about how a haunting is silly by nature. My point being that ghosts/demons could really find better things to do with their time than lurk about some abandoned building for the rest of time...or not. I also don't believe in possession as that's an even more stupid waste of a demon's time. Yeah good thinking - possess some poor prepubescent teen from the burbs...That's getting somewhere...You can transcend the ether between space and time, heaven & hell, bend reality & you use that power to make a preteen puke and say foul words...That's not scary - that's an unfortunate misuse of some great skills.
I mean - sure a clever ghost could certainly creep me out and startle me once in a while...but in time - as the haunt continues - it's only going to annoy me. Yeah, yeah - the wall's bleeding again...oh boy - the kitchen chairs miraculously stacked themselves again in two seconds...New trick, please! And if they really mess with me, I open a bottle of Jim Beam and it's on...
And let's say the ghost/demon does kill me or bite my flesh or something nasty in the process - well, believe you me...That just proves an afterlife and if there is such a thing, I'll spend the rest of eternity finding that jerk off demon/ghost and then deliver the ultimate supernatural smackdown! I mean - eternity is a long time...and even if I arrive as a less powerful & wimpy ghost who can't stand up to said demon...i got time...and i unfortunately hold grudges...but i'm always open to a heartfelt apology...
"Gee, Brian - I'm really sorry about that time I haunted your loft and bit a chunk out of your flesh & made you vomit all that black stuff. That was really uncool of me."
Seems to do better than me with an an entire brain...
In other news, I've finally taken to studying jujitsu under this guy. He's a fantastic teacher...
The first person I've found willing to teach me from the ground up - I've gone to other places and got completely eaten alive in sparring matches on my first few lessons...and most of the instructors seemed to have little interest in teaching a newbie...I've found the ground fighting lot to be a very inclusive group & it's not easy to start as a new person due to more skilled people not wanting to be bothered...
Don't get my wrong - I'm still getting chewed up by my classmates; however, the vibe of this school is very helpful. And both the students and Mike are keen on teaching old dogs new tricks...I'm sorer than I've ever been - didn't even know I had muscles in certain areas to be sore...
And truth be told it's pushing me to limits both mentally & physically that I'm having a challenge breaking through. But the thing I like best about my school is they won't let you quit & keep pushing me to break trough. It's inspiring. Possibly the most difficult challenge I've undertaken in a great while, but rewarding...
And finally...This sure is a blast:
Adam Sanberg is one funny mo-fo...Happy Birthday to the Ground!!!!posted by
Brian Gage on 12:06 AM ::
And this crap about death panels is ridiculous. That's what we currently have! The fact that people can't get coverage with preexisting conditions is inherently a death panel...Get sick. Die. That's it...
Anyone opposing the Dem's momentum is either completely brainwashed, totally foolish, or on the board of a major health insurance provider.
I pay for health care and it stinks. Least it could be cheaper or - gasp - free...
And speaking of layin' it on me! Go-kid-go!
Truth be told, I prefer it when people say "N-Bomb"...but agree with the kid all-the-way...it's a word that can disappear at anytime and that would be wonderful...
Spike Lee nailed it in Bamboozled...posted by
Brian Gage on 12:26 AM ::
Good riddance to five years of hell! OK, so it was nowhere near that bad - but today ends the legacy of financial terror known as my car lease.
OK, fine. It also wasn't financial terror, but I feel like a freed man no longer having a car payment. No more insurance payments, no more dreading rising gas prices - and more importantly no more freakin' speeding tickets! It's all behind me.
I turned in my car today, and walked off the lot feeling like I have a new lease on life. Swapped one lease for another so-to-speak. The best feeling was sitting there with the salesmen salivating over me, trying to offer me a bunch of deals to get me into a Nissan GTR which I expressed interest in...But couldn't see the point in paying over $1,200/month for car + insurance that I'd drive once a week...It would just sit in my parking lot and collect dust & scratches...
In the end, I walked out of there like Clark Gable...Tera burning in the background...Frankly, my dear - I don't give a damn...I'm carless...
I'm sitting here working and also watching this on hulu.com. I love zombie movies and so far this is pretty tight! Join me: posted by
Brian Gage on 9:49 PM ::
I'd yell something at my screen if this weren't so silly...
I'm an atheist. Live with it. We're not evil or bad people - we're simply not in the market to have our minds ruled by outdated mythology...
Personally, I refuse to prescribe to any train of thought unless those espousing/creating it could at least envision a working toilet...Here's an idea for a miracle back in the day - how about indoor plumbing...Now that would have been something!
Even David Copperfield could have pulled off water to wine...In fact, I think he did it on his last ABC special...posted by
Brian Gage on 12:17 PM ::
This is what I like to call a social & political travesty...They might as well just have held a bake off or some other show of subordination...
I'd like to think in this modern age that the "First Ladies" - sorry "Spouses of the World" of political leaders wouldn't be reduced to some Stepford Wives side show...But then again, the First Lady concept is inherently backward - aimed at creating complacent roles for women at the root of social mythology...
The other thing you might want to take notice of - it's the G20 summit...But there are 22 wives in that photo...Hmmm...Somebody's a playa!
So there's my pseduo-rant on sexism for the evening...let's see if i can dig up a cute cat video...ahh this is more like it...
Speaking of cute cats. I woke up to a blood bath this morning (mind you I like to embellish). Anyway, as I went to head up my spiral staircase to my office, I noticed drops of blood everywhere at the base followed by a trail of bloody paw prints...Not quite a bloodbath, but it certainly looked like the scene of a kitty cat murder...
I traced it to my #1 dude Orbit who was hiding under the couch. No idea what the poor thing did, but he was limping & had a large chunk of fur ripped out from his hind leg. My guess is he fell from the staircase...Anyway, I spent the rest of the day icing his leg and putting Neosporin on it...Which seemed to help.
His limp isn't as bad, and I was able to get the bleeding to stop...Hopefully he'll be better in the AM...If not, vet time...
So there you have it - send my cat any good vibes you can. He's a very important animal.posted by
Brian Gage on 1:22 AM ::
Your gut should start squirming the moment you realize there's nothing tongue-in-cheeck about this video.
Unless of course Microsoft has created a new kind of advanced meta humor that's only hilarious to super geniuses or picked up by a special light spectrum...
Whoever conceptualized & executed that video should be canned immediately and then sent back to brand managing pancake breakfasts for the local swim team. "Anyone have any ideas on how to make Windows 7 as sexy as a church bizarre?"
In fact someone did....I mean - sure...It's likely reverse genius as it's going to go viral because people like me posting about it, and certainly the YouTUBE spoofs that are sure to follow...My meaning is - I don't believe that was the intent. Unless of course my super genius theory is correct.posted by
Brian Gage on 11:04 AM ::
His heart is completely in the right place...Doesn't seem he's using Krav Maga which I'd think he would. But then again there are several disciplines of Krav and his could be Israeli direct...I endorse his M.O. 100% - if only for the amazing movie character he could be adapted into...
I studied Krav Maga for about three years and dropped out just before my green belt test - watching this vid makes me want to start up again as the techniques need practiced daily to really master them...Although, I'm more interested in Muay Thai & Ju Jitsu currently as I think the combination of the two is about as effective as it gets...I'll likely go back to Krav Maga once I get better at my current disciplines.
Funny thing is I used to think martial arts were complete cheese ball. Then on the advice of a friend I took a few Krav classes in early 2005 - I don't think I've missed a week of training since (well other than this summer due to a wicked knee injury - but that's almost better now). Not only does learning martial arts sharpen you mentally, but the emotional & physical benefits are incredible - life changing. I'm stronger & in better musculoskeletal shape than I was in high school...And that's something to be said at thirty six. So I recommend giving it a shot to anyone - especially if you have lower back problems. I was starting to suffer from lower back issues in my early 30s and after taking this stuff up, my lower back feels like steel. The core strengthening that comes with most martial arts is the perfect cure for such an ailment...
So there's my random martial arts blog of the day...
Anyway, this old dude also gets my props of the day...
And just to keep it random - I thought this was pretty hilarious. posted by
Brian Gage on 11:47 AM ::
I completely despise that drek like this makes news...
I'm the 1st guy who would love aliens, big foot & lockness to be real...but it's not...so quit reporting on useless crap until you can prove it when there are real problems...
I don't know why I'm even blogging this...truth be told, I don't even know why I bother blogging at all...I have no purpose - I believe I have the world's most benign blog...
but that's my charm...
oh, yeah - and i can't sleep...posted by
Brian Gage on 2:32 AM ::
Me! I just noticed for the past five years or so that I titled my blog "Brian Gage Writs Books" - it's not here anymore but used to appear in the Blogger title...
Seriously, people - why didn't you say something? I'm hurt. Ashamed. Lost.
So much for that writing career I put on freeze...
My name is Brian Gage and I've had my verbal fly down for five years plus....
OK. I admit it. I follow celebrity gossip blogs. Here's a little clip that's been making rounds today.
1. It's hard to believe she's serious. 2. She's such a brave strong person - I mean, just wow...Showing her real hair - pure guts. 3. Drag I can't seem to find my hammer - I want to knock myself in the head over-and-over until I can forget I even watched this. Oh the shame...I'd rather be caught watching gay porn...posted by
Brian Gage on 1:47 AM ::
Well, I have some outrageously delicious news - no knee surgery for this kid! I received the results of my MRI and have no ligament tears at all. The medium news is I have suffered "deep bruises" in just about every portion of my knee and according to the doc I can be looking at 6 months best recovery and 18 months worst case.
I'm still hobbling along most of the time but am able to train again, so we'll see. My range of motion is much better and the psychosomatic response of getting back a positive result has done wonders for me...
Other than that not much is news. We signed two new bands to purEUPHONIC one of which is live now...The rest will be going up in September.
My insomnia is no better than normal and I'm suffering from a light case of exhaustion, but have been getting a wrangle on that through diet/exercise...
Almost adopted a new cat, but refrained...And I think I might be done writing for a bit...Been trying to work on some edited passages from Nick, and just can't seem to be bothered...I'll get there.
that's it! peace out to your bad-selves...posted by
Brian Gage on 12:23 AM ::
Well, not while the sun is tucked away on the other side of the globe anyway. I am not made for the 9 to 5 world - from the sociological, biological & astro-physical - I am a creature of the night. How goth.
Tonight is particularly troublesome.
I've been trying to keep normal hours so I can interface with my staff more, and since I'm leading the joint, it seems like the right thing to not roll in at noon looking like I've just come back from a four day bender. But no matter how hard I try, I'm exhausted during the day. Caffeine, naps - nothing helps. The moment the sun goes down, I'm wide awake and can't seem to go to sleep at a normal hour without the help of sleeping pills. Repeat cycle.
It's becoming draining.
I don't know why I fight it. I set up my own business to afford me freedom of the things I don't do well - waking up in the AM for example (action items and corporate pow-wows are a close second). But for some reason I harbor this strange guilt that I can't keep a normal schedule and keep fighting to do it...I fail, but I try.
This evening's insomnia bout started with a broken air-conditioner & blood-feeding arthropod we all know as the mosquito. I loaded up on sleeping pills and lay down around 2AM. Next thing I know I'm being eaten alive by either one-or-several mosquitoes. I had to leave my window open due to my air being on the fritz and every mosquito in downtown Los Angeles must have taken it as an open invitation to a feeding frenzy upon the sweet nectar that is my bloodstream. Just when I'd start to drift off, I'd feel a tiny ping on my arm. Slap, miss, repeat. Then it was a waiting game. I killed two of them, but there were more. It was a lost cause - I was wide awake. Now it was 3AM.
My mind was racing with just about every trouble I could cram into any one thought, so I decided to take a walk. Apparently the air in the entire building is out as it felt like a boiler. Outside was no better. Los Angeles and humidity were not meant to go together, so my notion to get some fresh air was also a colossal failure. Then there were the bums, the methed out, the aimless...Made me wonder which of the aforementioned I appeared to be. With my ridiculous Tshirt I'd thrown on - I bet people thought me a meth head. Went to 7-11 and purchased a pack of cigarettes and some Nyquil to further assert their notions.
So here I am, back in my driver's seat blogging this just to make the time pass.
I have a busy day tomorrow, so I'm hoping I'll sleep soon. There is a photoshoot in my studio tomorrow and I have a high level meeting with someone I'm thinking of hiring as VP of Operations for Danger Enterprises. Things are at least going well on that front. I'm dumping a lot of $$ into development right now and just hired a second full time employee as my assistant, so that keeps me worried too as I won't technically have the funds available until mid-September. So I'm paying for it all out-of-pocket...
Yeah, yeah - cry, cry cry...
Things are good. I just need some damn sleep.posted by
Brian Gage on 3:42 AM ::
I'm uncertain if this will gain any traction, but I can't help but express admiration for anything Larry Flynt calls to action...Check it out.
I've always wanted to meet Larry Flynt. My BFF Holly Randall recently had lunch with him and he's doing the forward to her book which comes out this fall. I'm also friendly with his daughter Theresa, but so far an official meeting has escaped me...
The closest I got to meeting him was about a year ago when I was walking aimlessly around the Grove in Los Angeles & Larry came by with his bodyguards in tow...For a moment I thought of walking over an introducing myself, but after scoping out the bodyguards and reminding myself I always seem to stick my foot in my mouth anytime I meet someone famous, I just kept quiet and slipped into the Apple store for no apparent reason...
Let's see - who else can I name drop in this post? Sorry - didn't mean to go full on star fucker, but it's Larry Flynt. He's a free speech icon, so I gush.posted by
Brian Gage on 6:56 PM ::
Here I am spending a nice Sunday afternoon just trawling around online news (as I'm a bona fide junkie of such media) and came across this gem on CNNs iReport channel:
I wish I could find this guy and turn my site into a video blog delivered by him. I'd write it, he'd read it in his curmudgeonly sinister way...If he had some production value - perhaps a cloak and a raven in the background - he'd really be onto something...Wilford Brimley meets Vincent Price...
I actually just came up with an idea for a Web site that I think would be amazing with this guy. Concept is this: users write in about personal experience that still cause them guilt and regret: time they shoplifted, burned a friend, cheated on a test - things of this nature. Then Wilford/Vincent will do a personalized video chide that could haunt them anytime they want. "Susan, the time you cheated on your husband...How dare you betray a man as kind a John..." I think it would be immensely entertaining and it would be an interesting concept to put a voice & face to one's own guilty conscience. so be on the look out for ohtheguilt.com!
I've always had a special place in my heart for odd-ball friendships. And I think this guy and I could be exactly that. Nothing I'd love more to hang out with him on a bench in Hollywood for an afternoon and listen to his musings on the passers-by...posted by
Brian Gage on 3:15 PM ::
I've been waiting to see District 9 ever since I saw the trailer. I was hoping it was going to be the exact kind of science fiction that I crave. Just as I love cerebral horror a la Let the Right One In & The Shining - really smart sci-fi gets my inner dork all worked up.
Earlier this evening I ran into my new neighbor Stewart, and we decided to catch the show down the street. As we walk into the theater, I choose seats near the back and he says we need to sit closer since it's a small screen. I explained that in recent years I get motion sick at movies where there is jerky camera motion, but scoped out the distance and figured he was probably right.
So was District 9 all I hoped it would be? Maybe - Stewart walked out after the show beaming about what a great movie it was. I for one didn't last 20 mins into it. My stomach started turning in the first five and by the twenty minute marker, I was just about to start puking up black stuff like the main character. Some strange parallel - I truly felt the character's pain. So I got up, walked outside for some fresh air and nearly lost it. I then sat in the lobby for the next hour-and-a-half with another woman and her son who had the same problem.
I finally settled down and went back for the last 10 minutes which looked very good. The ending was even poetic.
So there you have it! A possible must see.
So as far as good sci-fi goes I'm hoping to check out Moon on DVD soon...and also hoping that David Fincher will get Rendezvous With Rama in production sooner-or-later...posted by
Brian Gage on 12:57 AM ::
Here's a good example of how not to behave. Oh, smack! Hillary - you sure showed that concerned foreign citizen.
Are politicians even allowed to go diva?
It's no secret that I've always disliked Hillary Clinton - I find her to be a shrill and annoying excuse for an empowered woman who looks downright silly in her bold colored pant suits - more akin to Barney than a Secretary of State.
She could learn a lot from say Kathleen Sebelius who is much more exemplary for the notions of female empowerment. And certainly rocks the purple pant suit in a much better fashion - the word Barney doesn't even enter my mind when looking at that photo...I suppose it's annoying for a male to be espousing what is and is not the embodiment of female empowerment, but hey - my blog, my rules.
It appears as if Hillary is finally cracking under the guise that she's a team player...I hope she goes all the way...And I hope it looks something like this: Apparently gluttony AKA pepperoni pizzas aren't ungodly to her...Further asserting my notion that "God Warriors" are all completely full of shit.
Anyway, speaking of being full of shit - I no longer consider myself a member of the Democratic party. Still can't stand the Republican platform for any reason...The Greens annoy me & Libertarians generally don't seem to know what the hell they're talking about...So I'm politically homeless...Guess I'll just have to revert back to my age-old philosophy of solipsistic anarchy...Or wait! Is there a political party for nihilists?
Sign me up. Oh - look at the clock. Nap time!posted by
Brian Gage on 4:04 PM ::
It's been a long six months, but I think I'm finally back in action...Took me a while to get a new look for this site the I liked, so hopefully that will keep me blogging...
I have a true love hate relationship with it. Mostly because I never seem to have a point...I'm going to try and work that out by posting some of my new short stories I've been working on and writing more about my wacky life - things of that nature.
I think I've been dark now for about six months...In that period, I went mad for a short while & ended up face-to-face with a very nice head shrink who diagnosed me as Bipolar 1...This was no surprise...Instead of opting for pills, I uprooted my life from residential LA and moved to back to downtown - which as far as I'm concerned was the genius move of the century. I absolutely love it - it's gritty, interesting, rich in stunning, corroded architecture and is about as close to The Lower East Side as you'll get these days.
Funny as I used to live downtown back in 2005 and despised it. I think it's a matter of finding the right spot. My new loft rules - it's my dream space - complete with a private patio with sweeping views of the LA skyline. My new Muay Thai gym is about a mile from my house, and despite my pending knee surgery for a sparring accident back in May - my new spot is keeping me fit & healthy. Things are good. I'm happy, the cats are happy - and I only have one payment left on my car!
I just put this new Web template up and have a notion that it's bunk, so I'm going to have to revisit it in the AM when I'm fresh...If there are any broken links or images - then forgive me. I'm sleepy...
In short, I'm still working with Nick Mamatas who is editing my new novel & am taking all the time in the world. My current priority is my company which is going extremely well. A year ago I was working out of my 6x9 office just off my laundry room...Currently, I'm typing this from rooftop office that as a 180 degree window view of downtown. It's truly inspiring. What's more inspiring is the fabulous old school bars that are walking distance from my house.
OK! Thanks for checking in - have to feed the nagging cats and finally go to bed.posted by
Brian Gage on 1:45 AM ::
Hello. My name is Brian Gage. Thanks for stopping by. Here's my bio as quickly as I can deliver it.
Born & bred in Youngstown, Ohio. Stint in film school for screenwriting. Ohio State grad in business administration. Huffed it to California with $300 in my pocket 10 years ago or so with no apparent plan of action...
Since then I've been published internationally for political satire & one childrens' book - I think the kids' book even won an award. Or at least someone liked it besides my parents & some other people were even nice enough to interview me on the local news. One of my books was made into a play. It was fun. Some people like my writing - others don't. You can decide for yourself.
Been working on a horror epic for almost six years - will finish it sooner or later.
I am currently owner & CEO of Danger Enterprises, Inc. - a self-funded Web development company I started out of my laundry room during bouts with writer's block. We currently occupy a dandy penthouse loft in downtown Los Angeles that even has it's own gargoyle (it's a griffin if you want to be technical)...My company is The Han Solo of Web Development and we tackle everything from mainstream music distribution & site development to adult entertainment. As the old timers say - money don't stink...
So who knows where this is going really...I'll leave it to random luck & an outgoing demeanor - so far it's done me right.
Blessed be,
-bg.
Current Business Projects
Danger Enterprises, Inc. My media development company. Areas of focus are web development, live video technology streaming & sales, Web consulting, and digital music distribution. (Visit)
purEUPHONIC Digital Music distribution subsidiary focused on creating a powerful music sales tool for independent artists. Still in Beta. (Visit)
Brand Danger Adult entertainment media holding subsidiary focused on model web site development, business consulting, affiliate marketing & global internet traffic brokering.
(Site is extremely NSFW. Search Google to View. 18 & Over Only)
Current Writing Projects
The Nosferatu Conspiracy Vampire horror epic based in Russia & Eastern Europe. Status: Final Draft. Expected Finish Date: Feb 2010 if I'm industrious.
His Majesty Y/A Fantasy/Allegory about talking horses. Status: Rewrite Expected Finish Date: Mid-Late 2010
Kingdom Crumble Book of Modern Fairy Tales Status: Rewrite/On Hold (may be a graphic novel) Expected Finish Date: N/A
Burn, Christmas! Burn!! “Burn, Christmas! Burn!! is an effective and humorous bit of political propaganda…” – Pop Matters. (View)
The Vampires of Draconian Hill "The ending to this wonderful poem is as chilling as the socio-political reality of which it speaks. The piece is a jewel among jewels." - SF Weekly Contribution to:Politically Inspired Edited by Stephen Elliott
The Saddest Little Robot "An impressive work of children's literature." - Mid West Book Review. Book Sense 76 Pick Winter 03/04 (View)
The Amazing Snox Box "...Featuring what may be the vilest culprit in the screwing of the working class and puppeteering of American thought: television.” - The Village Voice, Voice's Choices Short List. (View)
Snark Inc. - A Corporate Fable "A Twisted Tale of Corporate Enslavement." - San Francisco Chronicle (View)
Don't forget kidz! It's Christmastime once again - which means you should 
I'm not the man I used to be. I've gone soft.
